He keeps confusing me. Is it that he’s using me or is he starting to feel the same? He could just be too confused or preoccupied for trivial things like this. I’m pretty sure how I’m feeling is the exact opposite of what was suppose to happen. I have better things to be doing with my thoughts but yet I’m sitting here writing fuckery. It’s almost as if he wants me to stay absolutely confused. Why do I even continue with him instead of saving myself the trouble and stupid feelings?
He’s one of them. Those people that absolutely fascinate me. I’ve met quite a few of them lately and he’s easily in the top 5. He’s carefree, determined, passionate, funny, intelligent and of course charismatic. But he’s fucked up like the rest of us. He has demons that haunt him even when he’s wide awake. That’s what I want to know. Demons(even mine) have always caught my attention. No matter who the person is and how comfortable they are within themselves, they have their own twisted thoughts that creep up on them.
I don’t want to know just on sheer curiosity(even though I am too inquisitive for my own good). I want to know because I get the impression that he keeps locked away and allows it to eat at him.
I keep convincing myself I’m fine but I’m not. This summer might just be the end of “us”. Whatever classified the relationship I call “us”. I’ll just do what I usually do. I’ll do what needs to get done and keep my mouth shut. He’s not even mine to claim so, I won’t.